Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
