# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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