Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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