So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Buhtt sex?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
