I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
