I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize