Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
