I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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