people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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