So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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