Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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