I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
