Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
