You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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