I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
