He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
