I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
