I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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