bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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