we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
