just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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