Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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