and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
