she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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