Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
