Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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