So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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