You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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