apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
