Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
