I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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