what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
