Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
