I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
