Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
