Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
