I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
