the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
