He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
