i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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