i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
