I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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