I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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