smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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