They should really pass out barf bags in church
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My dick has a subreddit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
