just tell him i said nine months
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
