I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
