Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
