you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
