Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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