I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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