you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
