this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
