I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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