but the lizard people decide everything anyway
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
