hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
