Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
