Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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