You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
