margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
